People = daft

My 2-year-old daughter said something quite ahead of her age today.
Well, not only ahead of her age but also ahead of many other people. I nearly brimmed over with enthusiasm.
The only thing that bothers me is the apprehension she'll start listening to Slipknot soon.

But, let's not care too much, better enjoy her statement.
Have yourself a seat, make yourself comfortable, fetch some coke and a bag of popcorn.
Ready yet?
Here it comes:

Mensch: Doof.
(Best translated with 'Human: Daft.')




Isn't that absolutely lovely and gorgious? ...or does my exaltation somehow make me a misanthrope?
I guess I could live with both.

Demancipate yourself

Are you female? Stop doing that. Not being a white male is never a good idea in our neat, so-called enlightened little republic everyone is pretended to be so incredibly equal in.
If emancipation is at least half as advanced as it's claimed to be this whole thing will come to no good end.
I once stumbled across a feminist. Let's leave it at that for a moment, have it take effect a bit since this is not quite the everyday situation I'd like it to be.



Okay, that's enough, I'm going to elaborate.
As a matter of fact, she seriously tried to convince me of the following: There are forms of sexism one can approve of, types that aren't too bad after all. She actually wanted to score with her knowledge of benevolent sexism when I asked for those.
This knowledge however didn't seem very substantiated. As soon as I asked what real benefits there are from the Third Reich's Mutterkreuz for example, she went a bit silent. Later on she wanted to make me believe she never said there'd be anything good about sexism. Rationalization's great, don't you think?

Well, let's switch to another topic as an attempt to reflect what role today's woman takes in the Alpenrepublik.
Many people think gender equality is (nearly) accomplished. Many of those who know better hold that 'women should start by doing road maintenance service, working in mines, approaching men, inviting them to drinks and so forth'.
Only a minority cares about women earning only about three quarters of the wage their male co-workers are granted; or cultural funding which pretty much seems to focus on art produced by men. Not to mention promotion prospects. But let's not think too capitalistic, there are enough examples in everyday life. Discrimination knows many faces and I'll name a few of the most ugly ones.

Austria's main tourist draw Mr. Fritzl found himself finally being someone who mattered; someone, the whole world is interested in. He's been seen as a genius, the grandmaster of secrecy who kept his many children in the basement without someone even having any suspicion. The fact of his 'parallel family' going so well because of pure human failure (especially on the part of the executive authority) seems to have gotten lost beneath the rug it's successfully been swept under.
His children however have been forgotten rather quickly. That's not only because of the victim protection ('cause it never really works in sensationalistic Austria). In fact, some of our exemplarily patriotic politicians pootled through the republic moaning about how those eeevil rape victims keep harming Austria's reputation in all the world's beloved countries (at times other countries aren't that abhorred after all, as it seems). Our daily insanity doesn't? No… not at all… never ever.
After this has been straightened out, any informational impulse of actual victims existing seems to have effectively been repressed.

What also fascinates me in a rather negative way is the fact that soccer obviously is more important than women. All those events like Euro or World Cups are known to attract sexual and physical violence against females and there is nothing done about it. Quite the contrary, those events even take place in regions known for their high violation rate.
When the Euro Cup came to Austria, the only comment on this problem was: 'Yes, there is violence against women and yes, it increases during events like the European Championship. But there is a simple solution to this problem: Women can go on vacation over this period of time. Those who can't afford to should stay at home or only sojourn in the public in groups.'
Splendid! This is just as great as this thesis that 'it's their own fault when women get raped because they're provoking it'.
Of course they can run around in ski suits all summer long or hide themselves in their locked homes. Would be one hell of a quality of life, wouldn't it?
Furthermore, a woman's well-being can't ever be as important as a man being provided with his desired booze and soccer and sex and whatever there is in life. Agreed?





Agreed.





My advice: Be a man. Have yourself some muscles and a dome. Start being attracted to women. Maybe have yourself three x's tattooed on your neck. 'cause then you're cool, no one will dare to discriminate you. Even natural sciences will take a subordinate role.
The 'L' stands for 'love'.

Alternatively, you could also impress the typical Austian by facing up to the dangers of nature. Join some cheerful battle of life and death.

Integration serves the nation

A foreigner isn't automatically a foreigner.
I'm quite sure you're asking yourself now: What exactly is that supposed to mean? Can't that fucking weirdo finally talk some sense?
Of course I can understand your reaction; but please let me elaborate a tiny bit:

The Austrian media pinpointed a while ago who has to be seen as an alien and who not. This works as follows:
You're a criminal, ugly, strange, unhealthy, jobless, kinda dumb or anything else the public sees as not quite positive - then you're a foreigner.
You're an artist, an athlete, politician, smart or something alike that brings reputation to Austria - then you're an Austrian.

This whole matter is quite independant from your origin, nationality or things like that. As soon as you're considered to be somehow of use for Austria, you're ONE OF US!
This is why all the crimes in Austria are committed by those evil foreigners. They're only here to murder, steal and rape and riddle me this: Who would ever dare to think there really are people outside of Austria who live a decent life? Do you? You as the serial killer you are?


You see, it's wonderfully easy to become a respected part of Austria. Just win the nobel prize or some crap like that. Shouldn't be too difficult, is it? Chop chop!

Politicians rule.

As already mentioned in a previous post, I'll teach you how to become a well-respected and successfull person in Austria in order to be able to really enjoy your life here.
This aim can easily be achieved by pursueing a political career. Most politicians allege that prospering is a very complicated and difficult matter but I beg to differ. They only say so because they're afraid you could take their position.

All you have to do is follow a simple but strict plan:
First, learn Deutsch. Then meet the demands listed here. Are those hurdles cleared, all you have to do is have a member of your party say something racist to the public media.
In case you're lacking creativity, here're a few examples one was able to catch lately:

• "In todays perception, Mohammed is nothing but a child molester." (S. Winter)
  
• "In Austria, we don't have any problem concerning foreigners. We only got problems with Turks and islamists."(H.-C. Strache)
  
• "We need to graze sheep in the parks in order for the Muslims to be able to act out their bestiality on them instead of raping our women." (M. Winter)

This may cause a lawsuit for your party member but it's worth it since you've got Die Krone supporting you and praising you at least like a demigod.
Alternatively (or additionally), your fellow can also deny the holocaust. This will draw a whole load of attention at your party. You won't let any grass grow under your feet in the meantime and publish a few rapsongs as well as comics on the viciousness of the EU and all those foreign countries who only want to exploit your country and steal all your clear, fresh water. Don't forget to add some ob-scenes, you and one of your party members both need to copulate at least once in each comic in order to be seen as cool and in demand - and, of course all foreigners respectively the EU needs to be shown as disreputed, ugly animals.
Since you've abstracted all the right-wings up to now, the next step is to convince all those in the middle. Forget the left-wings, they're stoopid, precious few and uninteresting. Just trust Die Krone; when supported by Mr. Dichand, he will tell you what actions are to be taken in order to ascend further and further. All the politicians in Austria align themselves towards him.
Your colleague and you have to certify notarially (and halfheartedly) that you don't deny the holocaust and distance yourself from any national socialist thoughts. The right-wings'll believe (or know, depending on the situation) you're one of them because of foregoing statements, the rest of course is naïve enough to act on the assumption you're quite nice but misunderstood.

This process is to be repeated over and over again until you've got the dictatorship or Pornocracy or whatever you want.

Somehow sad, isn't it?
Unfortunately, questioning the system or politics is far too uncomfortable - plus risky of course, since we know by the previous post that freedom of opinion isn't what it was anymore.

Well, whatever... good luck being popular or so.

Eat my justice crap, you worm!

The Austrian justice is some kind of art. Maybe my father's been kinda right for a change when he suggested I should attend law school. And maybe this would've been the best (or rather most lucrative) way for me to express my creativity. Instead, I'm writing stuff nobody's interested in, producing music nobody's able to bear for long and knocking useless photo compositions together. None of that fills my wallet.

Buuuuuuut I'm deviating from the original subject.
Let's assume communism really could work - It still wouldn't in Austria. I'll quote an easy example: The common civilian gets a slice of an apple. That'd be at least one to two apples for federal employees. Managers get a peach and maybe a banana on top of that, politicians a fruit basket.
This applies just as well to the judicial system.
There's this thing called 'presumption of innocence'. This principle says that every executive officer, important businessman and politician is innocent until proven guilty. In practice this works as follows:

There's a fourteen year old boy been shot dead by a police officer. Reason: Attempted burglary.
Newspapers as well as the hoi polloi (because the opinion of the media is law, don't you ever doubt that!) stated that 'whoever's old enough to steal sure as hell is old enough to be killed as well'.
In order to keep the executives innocent, they were held off from any court or hearing for several months because of their mental state. Just long enough to have the judge and his little helpers cook up a nice story in order to color the whole case a bit. All the officers had to do was say: 'Yep.'
Mission accomplished. Eight months on probation for murder. Hell yeah, the system works! Isn't the principle of hope a ripping mature argument of the judge? "I hope you're not working in the field anymore."
Splendid! Let's apply that on every case in the future, that'd be fun. I hope you're able to contain yourself from stealing too much. I hope you'll stop killing people some day. I hope you won't rape too many of our fellow citizens in the future. Here's a picture of my wife, I hope you'll spare her.

That leads us to the next topic: Thousands of children being abused by clergymen in several catholic institutions. The only sentence they'll ever hear: 'Well, we're gonna have to transfer you somewhere else...'
Somehow strange - Priests are fired as soon as someone reveals that there's some kind of relationship or that they're homosexual, but children being molested seems to be quite a routine.
There's even one guy in the Vatican calling himself an exorcist and all the offenders innocent victims because 'they've been obsessed by the devil'. But everything's good now. There's no need to punish them or reconsider this whole catholic structure.

Quite the opposite is taking place in a trial on some animal rights activists. What they did? Use encryption technology for their electronic correspondence. Hell, what a crime!
The presumption of innocence has of course never been effective in this case.
Some politicians were convinced that the beliefs of those activists harmed the economy. That's enough of a motive to have some highly paid executives just read mails of those 'Lohas' for several years. The taxpayers' money is wasted for absurd stalking, flying scrap and publicity campaigns of a racist party and everything's fine. But as soon as someone pursues some kind of social intention, there's this deafening outcry of the mass.
Whatever... Since reading mails didn't bear any fruit, the next step was to keep them under surveillance and sound those criminals out. Nothing again.
What's next? Drop the case since there hasn't been any success?
Of course not. If there's no reason for you to assume someone does something they shouldn't do, what could be more natural than instructing a house search?

Strange. Again, no evidence. But with a trial this surely will change - Let's play it safe and have an incompetent huntress as a judge that neither accepts counterevidence nor the defendants defending themselves.
There's been some malicious mischief at Kleiderbauer, a company that sells fur? Let's charge it at our Lohas. The incident happened while they've been on remand? How could that ever matter?

Do you see those null and void differences between those trials? I know, it's quite difficult as there seems to be none at first sight.

It's easy to realize what the main focus of Austrias justice system lies on.
The best example however is that software piracy is prosecuted more rigorously than rape. Needless to say, the first one harms the economy, the second one supports it. Yay.
All hail the brainfuck.

How to be considered brainy: Grab printed paper, look skeptical, read. Or at least pretend to.

It's quite simple to be considered as a clever companion one loves to be surrounded by in Austria. You just need to be a male Austrian (or look and talk as one) and read something that at least looks approximately like a newspaper.
Whoever keeps themself updated with some crap consisting of letters and stuff rapidly is regarded as well-read and knowledgeable. And, as we all know here in Austria, newspapers (as well as executive officers) are always right - completely irrespective of the issue they're confronted with.
Now, as you gathered this great knowledge of the profound austrian mindset you're officially prepared to go out and make your first austrian friends, chop chop!

In the meantime, I'm trying to groom you for the rubbish you'll encounter sooner or later when consuming our daily and precious journalistic achievements.
For example, quite recently I read a short article on homosexuality in Der Grazer (whom I already mentioned). To my surprise, it wasn't one of those 'it's-unnatural-and-condemnable-inputs' for a change. Quite the contrary, they even pointed out that nowadays gays still get bullied, mobbed, ostracized and repudiated. They demanded for more tolerance which I too think is absolutely necessary.
But then there was this point at which one easily could notice: Something's wrong with this article. Obviously, the author actually never really occupied themself enough with this topic to be considered informed sufficiently for writing a contribution of this kind. The opposite of good is well-meant, as we all know.
As a closing argument, the author seriously wrote that even Life Ball, Tuntenball and the Loveparade can't hide those facts of missing tolerance.
Well, let's see... has the intention behind those events ever been to cover that up? One couldn't be farer away from the truth. But I think, if you read up on them a bit for yourself, you'll figure that out quite soon.

As a next real gem of austrian journalism I'd like to mention Weekend (Warning: danger of eye and ear cancer). They just can't help raising rankings of the '500 most important Styrians'.
In this list there are about 30 to 40 women. Let's take one moment to think about what that's supposed to tell us exactly. Now, I'm going to intersperse the facts that the top positions are taken by some irrelevant CEOs that wouldn't do anything besides hoarding money and politicians like the one I mentioned in the previous post whereas feminists, human respectively animal rights activists or people crucially engaged in the cultural sector apparently aren't worth mentioning.
Rings a bell? Mighty fine!
This is just the halfway bearable tip of the iceberg. Since I'm of good nature, I won't overstrain you this soon. In fact, I'm even granting you a little sit-down.

For this purpose I'll save us the pearls like Oesterreich and the Krone this once and cover them in later posts when it comes to establishing oneself in a political career (surely an important point for your future life in Austria). We'll still have enough to examine in the matter of austrian journalism.

Just one last thing as a little cherry on the icing, coming from OE 3: "Canadian punk sure is extraordinary, incomparable to other Punk subgenres. All the punks in Canada dress themselves in a very colorful manner."

Unbelievable, isn't it?



Oh yeah, before I forget: Here's the Austrian mentality squeezed in appropriate(ly goony) music.
Why the X-mas-theme?
Doesn't matter. In Austria, there's no need for a point in anything, is there?

i am still young but everyday sex is too much

In order to not steal too much of your precious time, as a first article I'll overview my thoughts about life as it presents itself to me lately. Should there occur any concerns while reading my neat little notion, there's still the possibility to just hit ALT and F4 and never return to this horrible blog. That's enough blah for now. Let's get it on with:


'Stop loitering, you stupid shrew' vs. 'Leave those shelves alone, you bastard!' - Children truly are blessed with the daily forms of interaction and the future they're confronted with.

Role modeling and the etiquette sure are awesome tools. Especially when it comes to cocking up the community.
Let's preserve a little bit of boredom for later on. Be generous. To share is to increase. At least some guy called Jesus said something like that a while ago. I guess he can't be that wrong. Well, he's been an illegitimate child, his birth has been quite an unnatural one and nowadays, he would've been sacked by the youth welfare, but hey: There must be some reason for his still being celebrated with that much intensity and thoughtlessness.

The world's beautiful, our parents are competent and the public authorities truly logical. Who the hell doesn't want to be born into a life their value is defined by their abilities respectively education and continuously devaluated, rationalized or even laughed off in?
By the by, all the oddity takes its usual course.

Everything's weird. This can be noticed easily every time one finds their way out into this thing called public.
Starting from November, all those simple natured ones not knowing what expedient to do with their time and money blow their extremities high up in the air with an insane amount of firecrackers, complying with this stupendous New Years Evish urge to experience some kind of conflagrant climax (which usually comes up in the springtime, but until November the lost causes obviously have their way of controlling such impulse mostly by drowning it and/or provoking fights with admirers of the wrong soccer team).
Elections are won by a politician who campaigns with helping his wife with the household. Despite claiming to be such a noble man, on placards he is shown battling some children in the eternal struggle for the laundry, having his dirty outdoor shoes on. Yay! Is there any hausfrau not dreaming of such self-sacrificing, prudent assistance?

Der Grazer explains the most important vogue ('cause that's what really matters: pretty and simpleminded one oughta be!), of which a crucial part is to think and criticize less but celebrate carnival more excessively, throw yourself into a fancy costume, fete far into the night and let yourself be abducted by a masked sex offender.

The retired neighbors know nothing better to do than annoy you, sound you out, bitch about all sorts of things that are nothing to them - even the ventilation being on (well, what's it good for anyway?), while they are drilling and hammering all day long -, telling you for the tenth time that people in your age can't be taken seriously and of course that they're old, poor, lonely and caged. Nobody likes me - oh, wait, another visitor; can't that stop finally?
Furthermore, they refer to mobile phones as useless crap before they borrow yours and have some friends bestow umpteen of those futile gadgets on them finally.
Physicians tell you that you're a psycho if your stomach aches. With this diagnostic they send you back home just to tell you on your next visit that this has been a mistake and everything's nearly too late. Without ever knowing (only your being a scatterbrain and taking some confidential files with you you're not supposed to reveal such insignificant details) you participate in an interesting medical survey. There's plenty of money flowing through such stuff, but not for you, the test subject. Wouldn't you have gotten at least a little bit rich if you'd have done that at some other institution? Well, let's not think too much about such things. It's the same with your blood samples or the like.
Somewhere out there ProLife is still awaiting new victims. Just as well Job2Move, a club similarly macabre. Let's not forget those thousands of maniacs who still couldn't find the right community for their interests. As you're visiting the police, showing them some tape-recorded calls in order to get rid of a stalker, they tell you to come back as soon as your head hangs over his bed as a lovely little trophy. They have better things to do. Sending the Cobra to a molehill for example. Or reprimanding you for crossing a road no car or whatsoever is in sight or within sound on. Those are the things really important in life. Executives just know best what to aim for. Leisure time for example. It's attendant on pure luck to encounter one of them in their office. Obviously, they're quite pleased to enjoy some work for a change. It pretty much seems like they want to keep you. At least those complaisant fellas continuously come up with new topics to support the conversation. A glance at a few clever books in order to check if your request is legitimate. Next, the result is to be checked with some internet pages. Just to be sure.
Finally, you're done and invited to come back soon. That'd be a pleasure! Sooner or later - and you're absolutely sure of that - you'll have to accept this invitation...