I’m sure you all know the Simpsons quite well. There is a quote in Season 21st 10th episode “Once Upon A Time In Springfield” that always reminds me of the Austrian mentality.
Moe: Easy there, Habitrail.
Homer: They took away our doughnuts at work. All I've had are my meals.
Carl: And the worst thing is, there's nothing we can do about it.
Lenny: I think that's the best thing 'cause then you can say, "Well, there's nothing we can do about it."
When you think about it, that's exactly how Austrians think and act. Austrians like to complain a lot, but most of them never do anything about it. It’s so much easier to complain - I guess we Austrians grew up with it and came to like it.
We made a virtue out of something that would wear us down otherwise or would request a lot of effort to change. So instead of using our energy to fight what’s wrong we give in and lie to ourselves so that we can actually even feel better about us for doing nothing while living in conditions we would normally hate, wouldn’t we be able to turn shit into “gold”. But not everything that sparkles is really gold goes a saying and so we boost our self worth on the cost of others and – which is kind of a paradox – on the cost of ourselves.
For capitalism the Austrian citizen is a model example for the perfect drone. So my advice for all the G-States out there would be: Get yourself some Austrians, because the virus spreads. Once you have your Austrian to start a drone colony of workers that are easy to handle you'll see how others get infected. Because Austrians tend to complain all the time and your other workers will just give in one day and join. Don’t worry about all the complaining, it is necessary for them to work as I already explained. Even better: Try to give them at least one little thing a day to complain about. If you don’t you don’t have to worry too much though, usually they will just make something up to complain about.
(If I wasn’t a total anti-capitalist I would make a business out of it.)
I guess this also explains why it is so f****ing hard for any kind of resistance movement in Austria. It’s even hard for NGOs to survive. Thanks to §278a they are all the same anyway. And even more: they are all types of criminal organisations. Beware organized crime you got quite a load of competitors here.
It's a good example for how Austrians tick, because there are still quite a lot of people who actually think that if you are trialed you must have done something bad. The presumption of innocence is a rare good in Austria what is also reflected by the trial itself. The police tried to collect evidence over years and needed a disproportional amount of money, manpower and technology to invade a lot of people’s privacy without a proper reason to do so. Now of course they have to put a few randomly selected persons that don’t even know all the others in a courtroom and claim they are a really evil criminal organization when they in reality only are some individual animal rights activists from different groups that don’t even get along with each other. There's no evidence at all and still the trial continues, and now think about it: They weren’t able to do their work for month, I do believe they still haven’t got all the stuff back which was taken from them in the first place when their apartmentdoors were kicked in and they were woken with guns pointing at their faces.
It doesn’t make any sense to you that some animal rights activists were arrested that way? Well it doesn’t make any sense for me that they were under observation to begin with. You would expect that there happened a lot of crimes related to the animal rights movement over the years, but no, it's vanishingly small.
Austria got what it wanted, they don’t have a lot of time left for their activism and will be financially ruined by the end of the trial.
Am I painting too black? Am I kind of unfair to all those lovely Austrians out there that may or may not still exist? If so then only a little and what the heck, I’m an Austrian anyway, I need to complain at least once a day to feel good about myself. My advice to you: Claim all the doughnuts for us all, you can start by getting informed.
http://antirep2008.org/
http://tierschutzprozess.at/
2010-09-21
2010-08-24
Trust us, we're politicians!
Somehow, our brown politicians manage to take the cake every time they just do anything.
I was just wondering about the new placards of the freedom party ("More bravery for our viennese blood | too much foreignness isn't good for anyone") when I stumpled upon an election rally by the BZOe, maybe best translated as the 'future league' to have the heroism incorporated they claim themselves with.
Shortly before I read about those BZOe-guys trying to keep Austria Austrian by avoiding anglicisms. So, if you're planning to commence a career in the BZOe you better start learning German the way it can't be found in any language course.
Get a BZOe-Brieffreund or send Mr. Grosz some nice E-Post (I'm sure he's got a Persönlicher Rechner, Oberschenkeloberseite or at least a Netzbuch (and a Gesichtsbuchseite additionally to his Heimseite) even though those and especially the Zwischennetz, connecting us to all those evil foreigners out there, are pure work of the peregrine devil). Compliment his Wahlebene and those likeable Werbesubjekte as well as Stadtlichter, tell him he's got a lovely Gesichtserker or whatever comes to your mind. He's definately gonna be thrilled about new friends since his last one (with whom he still campaigns for himself - "true friends won't ever be forgotten"; especially if they're unbelievably corrupt) served perfectly as the role model he was told to be and got himself killed by speeding drunk.
Actually, I tried to stay a bit in order to see what they state to be standing for. Surprised is way understated for the feelings that overcame me.
Main topic seemed to be that our banks lose incredible amounts of money in speculation and corruption. So far so good, where's the news?
The news were actually that the BZOe promises to have the banks supervised by politics in order to prevent our money from leaving to a private account in Liechtenstein as soon as they have a say.
I found this kind of interesting. Let's recapitulate:
Back 2004 Buwog, a formerly nationalized estate agent, got sold by finance minister KH Grasser, member of the freedom party from which the BZOe got split off. Nearly all of the payments were done in a concealed manner and with the help of a letterbox company based in Cyprus. Receivers of those payments are innumerable, but all of them friends of Grasser - amongst them also Joerg Haider, founder of the BZOe and the drunken driver I wrote about just before, who died 2008 in a car accident. Back then, he advertised himself on placards with the words "He never lied to you!".
Hypo-Alpe-Adria, a corinthian bank, was sold to the Bavarian Land Bank in 2007. This time, the letterbox company was situated in Liechtenstein, but again the sale had been arranged by Grasser and vast amounts went to Haider.
In the meantime investigations came to the result that Mr. Haider had access to twelve different letterbox companies in Liechtenstein storing about 45 million Euros. Nobody knows exactly where this money came from. Sure thing the BZOe is involved quite well.
So, let's return to our former topic: The BZOe supervising Austrian banks and controlling money transfers? Is this really, really, and I mean in point of fact, effectively, actually and really really really considered a good idea?
I'd think of that a second time. The crowd didn't, they were all applauding and enthusiastic about those plans.
I was just wondering about the new placards of the freedom party ("More bravery for our viennese blood | too much foreignness isn't good for anyone") when I stumpled upon an election rally by the BZOe, maybe best translated as the 'future league' to have the heroism incorporated they claim themselves with.
Shortly before I read about those BZOe-guys trying to keep Austria Austrian by avoiding anglicisms. So, if you're planning to commence a career in the BZOe you better start learning German the way it can't be found in any language course.
Get a BZOe-Brieffreund or send Mr. Grosz some nice E-Post (I'm sure he's got a Persönlicher Rechner, Oberschenkeloberseite or at least a Netzbuch (and a Gesichtsbuchseite additionally to his Heimseite) even though those and especially the Zwischennetz, connecting us to all those evil foreigners out there, are pure work of the peregrine devil). Compliment his Wahlebene and those likeable Werbesubjekte as well as Stadtlichter, tell him he's got a lovely Gesichtserker or whatever comes to your mind. He's definately gonna be thrilled about new friends since his last one (with whom he still campaigns for himself - "true friends won't ever be forgotten"; especially if they're unbelievably corrupt) served perfectly as the role model he was told to be and got himself killed by speeding drunk.
Actually, I tried to stay a bit in order to see what they state to be standing for. Surprised is way understated for the feelings that overcame me.Main topic seemed to be that our banks lose incredible amounts of money in speculation and corruption. So far so good, where's the news?
The news were actually that the BZOe promises to have the banks supervised by politics in order to prevent our money from leaving to a private account in Liechtenstein as soon as they have a say.
I found this kind of interesting. Let's recapitulate:
Back 2004 Buwog, a formerly nationalized estate agent, got sold by finance minister KH Grasser, member of the freedom party from which the BZOe got split off. Nearly all of the payments were done in a concealed manner and with the help of a letterbox company based in Cyprus. Receivers of those payments are innumerable, but all of them friends of Grasser - amongst them also Joerg Haider, founder of the BZOe and the drunken driver I wrote about just before, who died 2008 in a car accident. Back then, he advertised himself on placards with the words "He never lied to you!".
Hypo-Alpe-Adria, a corinthian bank, was sold to the Bavarian Land Bank in 2007. This time, the letterbox company was situated in Liechtenstein, but again the sale had been arranged by Grasser and vast amounts went to Haider.
In the meantime investigations came to the result that Mr. Haider had access to twelve different letterbox companies in Liechtenstein storing about 45 million Euros. Nobody knows exactly where this money came from. Sure thing the BZOe is involved quite well.
So, let's return to our former topic: The BZOe supervising Austrian banks and controlling money transfers? Is this really, really, and I mean in point of fact, effectively, actually and really really really considered a good idea?
I'd think of that a second time. The crowd didn't, they were all applauding and enthusiastic about those plans.
2010-08-14
RAF, or: How I lost my innocence
Reporters and bloggers really are some annoying rabble. The ones try to impart the truth (which ought to be hushed up), the others communicate their opinions (which need to be forbidden). Some even do both.
Buuuuuut fortunately we can do something about it. The Austrian juridical system not only offers the convenient peculiarity of a priori innocence for executives, politicians and celebs (as discussed in a former post), but also the one most accurately described as 'more money, more rights'.
Thanks to that, wonderful possibilities open up for us all. For example, and this example is completely made up out of thin air, it has of course nothing to do with reality, could the (mediocre) clothes shop 'Kleiderbauer' (herein after referred to as KB) incriminate some unpleasing animal rights activists by stating that they form a criminal organization. Because selling cheap clothes with poor quality for dear money has one grow wealthy, KB has enough money not to need evidence.
Also, it suffices in order to eliminate critical voices. Freedom of expression and press are annulled for the sake of economy. Whoever tries to appeal to reason and equitableness is being hunt down like a stray dog.
I don't want to nod towards someone at this point.
But I do.
http://diewahrheit.at/
Still, there are those wonderful people shouting: 'What's your problem, everything's fine! Freedom's limited a lot more drastically in other nations!'
I pretty much want to see them go to Duisburg and exclaim euphorically: 'What are you grieving for? There could've died a lot more!'
And why the hell isn't there anybody pretending there's no need to prosecute thieves because they could have done things a lot worse instead?
Human rights organizations keep affirming they don't care what happens in Austria because there're always bigger drawbacks somewhere else. That's the first step to not caring at all.
And the nation keeps whining about issues that really matter. Copulating bears, runaway snakes, morbid things like gay marriages for example. Or public poison, such as mosques or burqas, chadors, hijabs and whatsoever. Immigration in general.
We're frustrated and in need of skilled labor but weeeeeeeell, we can't allow foreigners to work in our beloved country, can we? Someone could actually get the impression we're open-minded.
Whatever… So, as conclusion I'd like to use this entry as an appeal for money in case someone actually reads my stuff. If so, it's also likely I'm going to get one of KB's many writs pretty soon.
I hereby declare this as a little fund raiser for us poor Reporters Avec Frontières.
Buuuuuut fortunately we can do something about it. The Austrian juridical system not only offers the convenient peculiarity of a priori innocence for executives, politicians and celebs (as discussed in a former post), but also the one most accurately described as 'more money, more rights'.
Thanks to that, wonderful possibilities open up for us all. For example, and this example is completely made up out of thin air, it has of course nothing to do with reality, could the (mediocre) clothes shop 'Kleiderbauer' (herein after referred to as KB) incriminate some unpleasing animal rights activists by stating that they form a criminal organization. Because selling cheap clothes with poor quality for dear money has one grow wealthy, KB has enough money not to need evidence.
Also, it suffices in order to eliminate critical voices. Freedom of expression and press are annulled for the sake of economy. Whoever tries to appeal to reason and equitableness is being hunt down like a stray dog.
I don't want to nod towards someone at this point.
But I do.
http://diewahrheit.at/
Still, there are those wonderful people shouting: 'What's your problem, everything's fine! Freedom's limited a lot more drastically in other nations!'
I pretty much want to see them go to Duisburg and exclaim euphorically: 'What are you grieving for? There could've died a lot more!'
And why the hell isn't there anybody pretending there's no need to prosecute thieves because they could have done things a lot worse instead?
Human rights organizations keep affirming they don't care what happens in Austria because there're always bigger drawbacks somewhere else. That's the first step to not caring at all.
And the nation keeps whining about issues that really matter. Copulating bears, runaway snakes, morbid things like gay marriages for example. Or public poison, such as mosques or burqas, chadors, hijabs and whatsoever. Immigration in general.
We're frustrated and in need of skilled labor but weeeeeeeell, we can't allow foreigners to work in our beloved country, can we? Someone could actually get the impression we're open-minded.
Whatever… So, as conclusion I'd like to use this entry as an appeal for money in case someone actually reads my stuff. If so, it's also likely I'm going to get one of KB's many writs pretty soon.
I hereby declare this as a little fund raiser for us poor Reporters Avec Frontières.
2010-05-31
Stop working! Why aren't you working?
I believe the time to be ripe for a joke for a change.
Well, here it is:
What's more challenging than working in Austria?
....
....
Staying in Austria!
Oh dear, isn't that the funniest thing you ever heard?
I pretty much don't hope so.
We Austrians are an ambivalent breed. We always fret about those rotten foreigners because they're too lazy to get work, they roam through our streets as bums and beggars or they become criminals. Or rather: They are criminals, no matter what. Yeah, that's what one's able to read in the newspapers every day. Fuckin' lazy criminals...
Well, whatever - fact is that we grumble endlessly about them not getting involved in any employment without ever questioning what actually causes this situation. And whenever this subject is touched, it never occurs to anyone that foreigners aren't even allowed to work in Austria.
Our legal system is quite funny in this matter:
If you're coming to Austria with the intention of living here, you're automatically a criminal and put into 'asylum arrest'. You need to afford a defense counsel. If you can't do that, you need a job - but: Law forbids you to take one up. Hence you decide to work illegally and automatically slide further into criminality. If you don't, you get deported. Should your little project be exposed, you get deported too.
Are you wealthy enough to afford one, your next problem is that there are only a few consels actually occupying themselves with matters of asylum - and they all are in vienna. Which most likely makes your intentions a little bit impossible since you aren't allowed to move further than within a radius of 20 km (about 12 1/2 miles).
Are those steps taken, you're ceded to the responsible's arbitrariness. Law says that an asylum seeker can't be deported if they're facing the danger of being harmed in their homeland.
Example: A young woman got raped by the police after demonstrating against some decisions 'her' government has taken. Those officers reassured her they'd repeat their 'act of justice' whenever they saw her again. You can't say 'bloody hell' as fast as she had to leave Austria again.
I think it's quite obvious a REALLY FUCKING DAMN GOOD argument is needed.
If you manage to attract wonders, after years of struggle you'll finally be more or less accepted in Austria. Now, what jobs are there for you?
A splendid career is going to open itself for you: scavenger, cleaner, newsvendor or prostitute - what more does one need?
For the last profession, you'll again have to face loads of laws supporting you. Nice example: It's officially forbidden to work in the streets, you need to be employed at a cathouse. There, you're to drink with the guests in order to increase sales. Sooner or later, you're growing an alcohol addict which drops you even more in your neat little pile of shit.
Incredible prospects, aren't they?
In Vorarlberg, it's even more of a complicated case. There, no township is willing to allow a brothel to be built which results in all kinds of prostitution being illegal and the women having to work in their private accomodations, leaving them exposed to violations of any kind.
The bright future so many are seeking in Austria doesn't seem so bright after all...
Well, here it is:
What's more challenging than working in Austria?
....
....
Staying in Austria!
Oh dear, isn't that the funniest thing you ever heard?
I pretty much don't hope so.
We Austrians are an ambivalent breed. We always fret about those rotten foreigners because they're too lazy to get work, they roam through our streets as bums and beggars or they become criminals. Or rather: They are criminals, no matter what. Yeah, that's what one's able to read in the newspapers every day. Fuckin' lazy criminals...
Well, whatever - fact is that we grumble endlessly about them not getting involved in any employment without ever questioning what actually causes this situation. And whenever this subject is touched, it never occurs to anyone that foreigners aren't even allowed to work in Austria.
Our legal system is quite funny in this matter:
If you're coming to Austria with the intention of living here, you're automatically a criminal and put into 'asylum arrest'. You need to afford a defense counsel. If you can't do that, you need a job - but: Law forbids you to take one up. Hence you decide to work illegally and automatically slide further into criminality. If you don't, you get deported. Should your little project be exposed, you get deported too.
Are you wealthy enough to afford one, your next problem is that there are only a few consels actually occupying themselves with matters of asylum - and they all are in vienna. Which most likely makes your intentions a little bit impossible since you aren't allowed to move further than within a radius of 20 km (about 12 1/2 miles).
Are those steps taken, you're ceded to the responsible's arbitrariness. Law says that an asylum seeker can't be deported if they're facing the danger of being harmed in their homeland.
Example: A young woman got raped by the police after demonstrating against some decisions 'her' government has taken. Those officers reassured her they'd repeat their 'act of justice' whenever they saw her again. You can't say 'bloody hell' as fast as she had to leave Austria again.
I think it's quite obvious a REALLY FUCKING DAMN GOOD argument is needed.
If you manage to attract wonders, after years of struggle you'll finally be more or less accepted in Austria. Now, what jobs are there for you?
A splendid career is going to open itself for you: scavenger, cleaner, newsvendor or prostitute - what more does one need?
For the last profession, you'll again have to face loads of laws supporting you. Nice example: It's officially forbidden to work in the streets, you need to be employed at a cathouse. There, you're to drink with the guests in order to increase sales. Sooner or later, you're growing an alcohol addict which drops you even more in your neat little pile of shit.
Incredible prospects, aren't they?
In Vorarlberg, it's even more of a complicated case. There, no township is willing to allow a brothel to be built which results in all kinds of prostitution being illegal and the women having to work in their private accomodations, leaving them exposed to violations of any kind.
The bright future so many are seeking in Austria doesn't seem so bright after all...
2010-04-21
Where're ya headin'? - The polls. - Phat! What're ya goin' as?
Since it's been voting time, I think it's also time for a short summary on the candidates. I'm going to present all those little facts we learnt from their ads and all there's been in the media about them.
...and in order to spice it up a bit, I'll pepper it with a few assumptions.
Alright, here we go:
Dr. Heinz Fischer:
Dislikes: Confrontations
Likes: Values
That's about it...
...well, to be true, there actually are a few further things we learnt. For example, that he'd be a more adequate ice-cream man rather than a politician. And, that the woman he's married to has more of what it takes to be a president. Maybe she's his advisor or in fact holds the office from the back seat. If so, her most likely given advice to just keep his trap shut sure is a terrific choice.
Slogan recommendation: Respect to the man in the ice-cream van.
Barbara Rosenkranz:
Dislikes: Foreigners, questions about the history of Austria, facts
Likes: Children, Heinz-Christian Strache, being reduced
When being asked for her qualities, nearly everyone only mentioned that Rosenkranz is a good mother and has raised twelve children. No one ever explained how that qualifies someone to be the president of Austria.
Apart from that, Barbaria popularized herself with denying the holocaust (revoking those statements notarially at the behest of Kronenzeitung-man Mr. Dichand - the media however weren't allowed to ask any questions on this matter), ranting against foreigners and not being supported by Strache, the head of the her beloved freedom party.
They even had separate placards made. I guess this was because Strache isn't very fond of her leaving the kitchen sink. After all, women have absolutely no business dealing with politics, do they?
Slogan recommendation: Whatever your ideals are - I represent them.
Dr. Rudolf Gehring:
Dislikes: Homosexuals, emancipated women, other religions than Catholicism, permissiveness, abortion, premarital intercourse, public attention on ecclesiastic pedophilia
Likes: God, himself (probably seen as the same in his point of view)
Homosexuality is of course a disease, abortion one of the most severe crimes there are and women inferiors who want nothing more than being housewifes and mothers; and nothing else. How does he know that? The first two 'facts' are obvious, plus god tells him every day. The third one is part of his experience of life - because he's a father.
Got it? No? Doesn't sound that logical to you? Than you must be homosexual and your disease has already devastated too many of your brain cells. Or you're one of those sinners being that stoopid to believe in something else than the one and only god.
I mean: WTFF? I'd ROFLMAOPIMPTIMECOPTER if all that wouldn't be so depressing.
Slogan recommendation: Gift me thy vote for I be thy god.
Fischer won btw. I guess there's still a bit sanity left.
...no, joking aside - I find it more likely that the average Austrian has been impressed enough by the ice-cream. Me vote for Heinzi 'coz he do me yum-yums.
[Thanks to E*phi for those marvelous illustrations. Sorry for being an impertinent wazoo and manipulating them in such a rude way.]
...and in order to spice it up a bit, I'll pepper it with a few assumptions.
Alright, here we go:
Dr. Heinz Fischer:
Dislikes: ConfrontationsLikes: Values
That's about it...
...well, to be true, there actually are a few further things we learnt. For example, that he'd be a more adequate ice-cream man rather than a politician. And, that the woman he's married to has more of what it takes to be a president. Maybe she's his advisor or in fact holds the office from the back seat. If so, her most likely given advice to just keep his trap shut sure is a terrific choice.
Slogan recommendation: Respect to the man in the ice-cream van.
Barbara Rosenkranz:
Dislikes: Foreigners, questions about the history of Austria, factsLikes: Children, Heinz-Christian Strache, being reduced
When being asked for her qualities, nearly everyone only mentioned that Rosenkranz is a good mother and has raised twelve children. No one ever explained how that qualifies someone to be the president of Austria.
Apart from that, Barbaria popularized herself with denying the holocaust (revoking those statements notarially at the behest of Kronenzeitung-man Mr. Dichand - the media however weren't allowed to ask any questions on this matter), ranting against foreigners and not being supported by Strache, the head of the her beloved freedom party.
They even had separate placards made. I guess this was because Strache isn't very fond of her leaving the kitchen sink. After all, women have absolutely no business dealing with politics, do they?
Slogan recommendation: Whatever your ideals are - I represent them.
Dr. Rudolf Gehring:
Dislikes: Homosexuals, emancipated women, other religions than Catholicism, permissiveness, abortion, premarital intercourse, public attention on ecclesiastic pedophiliaLikes: God, himself (probably seen as the same in his point of view)
Homosexuality is of course a disease, abortion one of the most severe crimes there are and women inferiors who want nothing more than being housewifes and mothers; and nothing else. How does he know that? The first two 'facts' are obvious, plus god tells him every day. The third one is part of his experience of life - because he's a father.
Got it? No? Doesn't sound that logical to you? Than you must be homosexual and your disease has already devastated too many of your brain cells. Or you're one of those sinners being that stoopid to believe in something else than the one and only god.
I mean: WTFF? I'd ROFLMAOPIMPTIMECOPTER if all that wouldn't be so depressing.
Slogan recommendation: Gift me thy vote for I be thy god.
Fischer won btw. I guess there's still a bit sanity left.
...no, joking aside - I find it more likely that the average Austrian has been impressed enough by the ice-cream. Me vote for Heinzi 'coz he do me yum-yums.
[Thanks to E*phi for those marvelous illustrations. Sorry for being an impertinent wazoo and manipulating them in such a rude way.]
2010-04-19
Austria's over the top!
E*PHI=LOG:'s E*PHI actually confronted US (not the 'US' as in 'USA'; to be beared in your little mind all of se time) with the Over The Top Award (as in, well... pretty good actually). Isn't that like... fascinating?I'd like to seize this opportunity in order to have myself a little speech. Lateron, I'll choose my five OTT-candidates and maybe answer those 35 questions one has to when being honored with this award.
But, let's not beat about the bush too much:
I'm actually very proud of us all for not being more of a disappointment. We have committed ourselves to certain standards we never ever corrupted or fell below. Quite the contrary, we are able to look back on a history we are well-known for in the whole world. Austria's not only 'Don't you mean Australia?' or 'Ah, the sound of music! Walking with my Lederhosen!' anymore. Finally, it's considered as a self-contained country.
We gathered hell of a popularity for two World Wars, one of the most citated politicians, holocaust, xenophobia, the special and approved Basemental Way Of Raising Children® as well as our rapist-friendly environment and non-prosecution of pedophilia.
We still believe that non-Austrians, especially those looking and/or speaking funny, are inferior to our Aryan race, women belong to and therefore have to serve men (and mankind, which means that their bodies don't belong to themselves but to society) and homosexuality is a disease we need to erase. Not to forget that thingie lesbians got - thank you Mr. Gehring for highlighting that in your perpetual thoughtfulness.
In order to celebrate our high standards, we chose appropriate candidates in order to run for Federal Presidency:
- A holocaust-denying, walking womb that 'has nothing against foreigners but doesn't want them in our beloved country' and with the only qualification of having raised twelve children (?)
- A self-declared voice of god that respects the separation of church and state but feels that the first one ought to be in charge of the second one a little bit more (??), wants to absolutely criminalize abortion because it's murder and women shouldn't be able to decide on their own bodies, thinks that abnormalities like homosexuality have to be exterminated and knows what a mother wants because it's a father itself (???)
- A... well... politician I guess who hears nothing, sees nothing, speaks nothing... sleeping time for baboons.
Glorious times, they keep on coming. Some folks in fact thought that an office like presidency should be held with an amount of seriousness. You live and learn.
So, last but not least I wanna thank my mommy and my daddy for being such bad role models and having me scared off the idea of ever letting them and their typically austrian perspectives rub off on me.
[Now visualize me waving my imaginary award into the camera while flashlight everywhere and euphoria and tears of joy and slipping dress and exposed nipple and scandal and brouhaha and that's it, thanks everyone]
Now to my five favs:
- E*PHI of E*PHI=LOG: for just being awesome, adorable, talented in a thousand different aspects, the probably most wonderful person there is and 'brightening an otherwise crumbling place' (Happy Child, Tweaker)
- Ms. Messing of Backseat Betty for not only rocking mine, but the whole world of feminism and blogging.
- All the peeps at Kommunikationsguerilla for tracking nearly everything worth knowing with the necessary amount of criticism.
- Mr. Moser of Standpunkte for connecting arts and politics in a way we all profit from.
- Ulf from IHaveSynth for always providing me with the hottest news on the world of electronic music.
As a last step, there is still this list of 35 questions to be answered - each of them with only a single word. Since I'm accepting this award representing Austria, I'll also do that answering-thing for our homeland.
1. Where is your cell phone? Omnipresent
2. Your hair? Shaven
3. Your mother? Theresa
4. Your father? Renner
5. Your favorite food? Meat
6. Your dream last night? Omnipotence
7. Your favorite drink? Beer
8. Your dream/goal? Purity
9. What room are you in? Narrow
10. Your hobby? Fencing
11. Your fear? Strangers
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Empire
13. Where were you last night? Disadvantage
14. Something that you aren’t? Rational
15. Muffins? External
16. Wish list item? World
17. Where did you grow up? Europe
18. Last thing you did? Ostracize
19. What are you wearing? Stripes
20. Your TV? God
21. Your pets? Strangers
22. Friends? Pardon?
23. Your life? Struggle
24. Your mood? Petting
25. Missing someone? No
26. Vehicle? Yes
27. Something you’re not wearing? Burqa
28. Your favorite store? Hofer
29. Your favorite color? Brown
30. When was the last time you laughed? 1943
31. Last time you cried? Today
32. Your best friend? Gaudi-Nagy
33. One place that you go to over and over? Right
34. Facebook? Drool
35. Favorite place to eat? Wartburg
2010-04-05
Good terrorist, bad terrorist
I don't want to sound repetitive, but I will.
It's kinda necessary I think. Only if something is repeated over and over, one finally starts keeping the subject in their mind or even thinking about it.
The only separation from politics still working better than that of religion is the separation of politics and women. Still, there is this wide-spread philosophy of females not being capable of doing anything besides housework - therefore, they have to be kept out of public affairs as effectively as possible.
But how does this work when it comes to political activism or even terrorism?
Quite simple. First, you deny them humaneness naming them by animals not being favored by many people. Spiders always lend themselves to such matters. That's because animals are driven by their instincts and don't follow any higher aims not to mention political ones.
As a next step, you replace all the precedent conflicts, issues and therefore "reasons" by the simple desire for revenge. Another helpful tool is comparing this 'product' with incidents by male terrorists, explaining their motives respectively those motives being absolutely missing in the attacks of the female ones.
Et voilà, soup is served. You'll never have to justify any of your actions that could have led to more of that kind. Bravo!
It's kinda necessary I think. Only if something is repeated over and over, one finally starts keeping the subject in their mind or even thinking about it.
The only separation from politics still working better than that of religion is the separation of politics and women. Still, there is this wide-spread philosophy of females not being capable of doing anything besides housework - therefore, they have to be kept out of public affairs as effectively as possible.
But how does this work when it comes to political activism or even terrorism?
Quite simple. First, you deny them humaneness naming them by animals not being favored by many people. Spiders always lend themselves to such matters. That's because animals are driven by their instincts and don't follow any higher aims not to mention political ones.
As a next step, you replace all the precedent conflicts, issues and therefore "reasons" by the simple desire for revenge. Another helpful tool is comparing this 'product' with incidents by male terrorists, explaining their motives respectively those motives being absolutely missing in the attacks of the female ones.
Et voilà, soup is served. You'll never have to justify any of your actions that could have led to more of that kind. Bravo!
2010-03-27
People = daft
My 2-year-old daughter said something quite ahead of her age today.
Well, not only ahead of her age but also ahead of many other people. I nearly brimmed over with enthusiasm.
The only thing that bothers me is the apprehension she'll start listening to Slipknot soon.
But, let's not care too much, better enjoy her statement.
Have yourself a seat, make yourself comfortable, fetch some coke and a bag of popcorn.
Ready yet?
Here it comes:
Mensch: Doof.
(Best translated with 'Human: Daft.')
Isn't that absolutely lovely and gorgious? ...or does my exaltation somehow make me a misanthrope?
I guess I could live with both.
Well, not only ahead of her age but also ahead of many other people. I nearly brimmed over with enthusiasm.
The only thing that bothers me is the apprehension she'll start listening to Slipknot soon.
But, let's not care too much, better enjoy her statement.
Have yourself a seat, make yourself comfortable, fetch some coke and a bag of popcorn.
Ready yet?
Here it comes:
Mensch: Doof.
(Best translated with 'Human: Daft.')
Isn't that absolutely lovely and gorgious? ...or does my exaltation somehow make me a misanthrope?
I guess I could live with both.
2010-03-25
Demancipate yourself
Are you female? Stop doing that. Not being a white male is never a good idea in our neat, so-called enlightened little republic everyone is pretended to be so incredibly equal in.
If emancipation is at least half as advanced as it's claimed to be this whole thing will come to no good end.
I once stumbled across a feminist. Let's leave it at that for a moment, have it take effect a bit since this is not quite the everyday situation I'd like it to be.
Okay, that's enough, I'm going to elaborate.
As a matter of fact, she seriously tried to convince me of the following: There are forms of sexism one can approve of, types that aren't too bad after all. She actually wanted to score with her knowledge of benevolent sexism when I asked for those.
This knowledge however didn't seem very substantiated. As soon as I asked what real benefits there are from the Third Reich's Mutterkreuz for example, she went a bit silent. Later on she wanted to make me believe she never said there'd be anything good about sexism. Rationalization's great, don't you think?
Well, let's switch to another topic as an attempt to reflect what role today's woman takes in the Alpenrepublik.
Many people think gender equality is (nearly) accomplished. Many of those who know better hold that 'women should start by doing road maintenance service, working in mines, approaching men, inviting them to drinks and so forth'.
Only a minority cares about women earning only about three quarters of the wage their male co-workers are granted; or cultural funding which pretty much seems to focus on art produced by men. Not to mention promotion prospects. But let's not think too capitalistic, there are enough examples in everyday life. Discrimination knows many faces and I'll name a few of the most ugly ones.
Austria's main tourist draw Mr. Fritzl found himself finally being someone who mattered; someone, the whole world is interested in. He's been seen as a genius, the grandmaster of secrecy who kept his many children in the basement without someone even having any suspicion. The fact of his 'parallel family' going so well because of pure human failure (especially on the part of the executive authority) seems to have gotten lost beneath the rug it's successfully been swept under.
His children however have been forgotten rather quickly. That's not only because of the victim protection ('cause it never really works in sensationalistic Austria). In fact, some of our exemplarily patriotic politicians pootled through the republic moaning about how those eeevil rape victims keep harming Austria's reputation in all the world's beloved countries (at times other countries aren't that abhorred after all, as it seems). Our daily insanity doesn't? No… not at all… never ever.
After this has been straightened out, any informational impulse of actual victims existing seems to have effectively been repressed.
What also fascinates me in a rather negative way is the fact that soccer obviously is more important than women. All those events like Euro or World Cups are known to attract sexual and physical violence against females and there is nothing done about it. Quite the contrary, those events even take place in regions known for their high violation rate.
When the Euro Cup came to Austria, the only comment on this problem was: 'Yes, there is violence against women and yes, it increases during events like the European Championship. But there is a simple solution to this problem: Women can go on vacation over this period of time. Those who can't afford to should stay at home or only sojourn in the public in groups.'
Splendid! This is just as great as this thesis that 'it's their own fault when women get raped because they're provoking it'.
Of course they can run around in ski suits all summer long or hide themselves in their locked homes. Would be one hell of a quality of life, wouldn't it?
Furthermore, a woman's well-being can't ever be as important as a man being provided with his desired booze and soccer and sex and whatever there is in life. Agreed?
Agreed.
My advice: Be a man. Have yourself some muscles and a dome. Start being attracted to women. Maybe have yourself three x's tattooed on your neck. 'cause then you're cool, no one will dare to discriminate you. Even natural sciences will take a subordinate role.
The 'L' stands for 'love'.
Alternatively, you could also impress the typical Austian by facing up to the dangers of nature. Join some cheerful battle of life and death.
If emancipation is at least half as advanced as it's claimed to be this whole thing will come to no good end.
I once stumbled across a feminist. Let's leave it at that for a moment, have it take effect a bit since this is not quite the everyday situation I'd like it to be.
Okay, that's enough, I'm going to elaborate.
As a matter of fact, she seriously tried to convince me of the following: There are forms of sexism one can approve of, types that aren't too bad after all. She actually wanted to score with her knowledge of benevolent sexism when I asked for those.
This knowledge however didn't seem very substantiated. As soon as I asked what real benefits there are from the Third Reich's Mutterkreuz for example, she went a bit silent. Later on she wanted to make me believe she never said there'd be anything good about sexism. Rationalization's great, don't you think?
Well, let's switch to another topic as an attempt to reflect what role today's woman takes in the Alpenrepublik.
Many people think gender equality is (nearly) accomplished. Many of those who know better hold that 'women should start by doing road maintenance service, working in mines, approaching men, inviting them to drinks and so forth'.
Only a minority cares about women earning only about three quarters of the wage their male co-workers are granted; or cultural funding which pretty much seems to focus on art produced by men. Not to mention promotion prospects. But let's not think too capitalistic, there are enough examples in everyday life. Discrimination knows many faces and I'll name a few of the most ugly ones.
Austria's main tourist draw Mr. Fritzl found himself finally being someone who mattered; someone, the whole world is interested in. He's been seen as a genius, the grandmaster of secrecy who kept his many children in the basement without someone even having any suspicion. The fact of his 'parallel family' going so well because of pure human failure (especially on the part of the executive authority) seems to have gotten lost beneath the rug it's successfully been swept under.
His children however have been forgotten rather quickly. That's not only because of the victim protection ('cause it never really works in sensationalistic Austria). In fact, some of our exemplarily patriotic politicians pootled through the republic moaning about how those eeevil rape victims keep harming Austria's reputation in all the world's beloved countries (at times other countries aren't that abhorred after all, as it seems). Our daily insanity doesn't? No… not at all… never ever.
After this has been straightened out, any informational impulse of actual victims existing seems to have effectively been repressed.
What also fascinates me in a rather negative way is the fact that soccer obviously is more important than women. All those events like Euro or World Cups are known to attract sexual and physical violence against females and there is nothing done about it. Quite the contrary, those events even take place in regions known for their high violation rate.
When the Euro Cup came to Austria, the only comment on this problem was: 'Yes, there is violence against women and yes, it increases during events like the European Championship. But there is a simple solution to this problem: Women can go on vacation over this period of time. Those who can't afford to should stay at home or only sojourn in the public in groups.'
Splendid! This is just as great as this thesis that 'it's their own fault when women get raped because they're provoking it'.
Of course they can run around in ski suits all summer long or hide themselves in their locked homes. Would be one hell of a quality of life, wouldn't it?
Furthermore, a woman's well-being can't ever be as important as a man being provided with his desired booze and soccer and sex and whatever there is in life. Agreed?
Agreed.
My advice: Be a man. Have yourself some muscles and a dome. Start being attracted to women. Maybe have yourself three x's tattooed on your neck. 'cause then you're cool, no one will dare to discriminate you. Even natural sciences will take a subordinate role.
The 'L' stands for 'love'.
Alternatively, you could also impress the typical Austian by facing up to the dangers of nature. Join some cheerful battle of life and death.
2010-03-22
Integration serves the nation
A foreigner isn't automatically a foreigner.
I'm quite sure you're asking yourself now: What exactly is that supposed to mean? Can't that fucking weirdo finally talk some sense?
Of course I can understand your reaction; but please let me elaborate a tiny bit:
The Austrian media pinpointed a while ago who has to be seen as an alien and who not. This works as follows:
You're a criminal, ugly, strange, unhealthy, jobless, kinda dumb or anything else the public sees as not quite positive - then you're a foreigner.
You're an artist, an athlete, politician, smart or something alike that brings reputation to Austria - then you're an Austrian.
This whole matter is quite independant from your origin, nationality or things like that. As soon as you're considered to be somehow of use for Austria, you're ONE OF US!
This is why all the crimes in Austria are committed by those evil foreigners. They're only here to murder, steal and rape and riddle me this: Who would ever dare to think there really are people outside of Austria who live a decent life? Do you? You as the serial killer you are?
You see, it's wonderfully easy to become a respected part of Austria. Just win the nobel prize or some crap like that. Shouldn't be too difficult, is it? Chop chop!
I'm quite sure you're asking yourself now: What exactly is that supposed to mean? Can't that fucking weirdo finally talk some sense?
Of course I can understand your reaction; but please let me elaborate a tiny bit:
The Austrian media pinpointed a while ago who has to be seen as an alien and who not. This works as follows:
You're a criminal, ugly, strange, unhealthy, jobless, kinda dumb or anything else the public sees as not quite positive - then you're a foreigner.
You're an artist, an athlete, politician, smart or something alike that brings reputation to Austria - then you're an Austrian.
This whole matter is quite independant from your origin, nationality or things like that. As soon as you're considered to be somehow of use for Austria, you're ONE OF US!
This is why all the crimes in Austria are committed by those evil foreigners. They're only here to murder, steal and rape and riddle me this: Who would ever dare to think there really are people outside of Austria who live a decent life? Do you? You as the serial killer you are?
You see, it's wonderfully easy to become a respected part of Austria. Just win the nobel prize or some crap like that. Shouldn't be too difficult, is it? Chop chop!
2010-03-21
Politicians rule.
As already mentioned in a previous post, I'll teach you how to become a well-respected and successfull person in Austria in order to be able to really enjoy your life here.This aim can easily be achieved by pursueing a political career. Most politicians allege that prospering is a very complicated and difficult matter but I beg to differ. They only say so because they're afraid you could take their position.
All you have to do is follow a simple but strict plan:
First, learn Deutsch. Then meet the demands listed here. Are those hurdles cleared, all you have to do is have a member of your party say something racist to the public media.
In case you're lacking creativity, here're a few examples one was able to catch lately:
- "In todays perception, Mohammed is nothing but a child molester." (S. Winter)
- "In Austria, we don't have any problem concerning foreigners. We only got problems with Turks and islamists."(H.-C. Strache)
- "We need to graze sheep in the parks in order for the Muslims to be able to act out their bestiality on them instead of raping our women." (M. Winter)
This may cause a lawsuit for your party member but it's worth it since you've got Die Krone supporting you and praising you at least like a demigod.Alternatively (or additionally), your fellow can also deny the holocaust. This will draw a whole load of attention at your party. You won't let any grass grow under your feet in the meantime and publish a few rapsongs as well as comics on the viciousness of the EU and all those foreign countries who only want to exploit your country and steal all your clear, fresh water. Don't forget to add some ob-scenes, you and one of your party members both need to copulate at least once in each comic in order to be seen as cool and in demand - and, of course all foreigners respectively the EU needs to be shown as disreputed, ugly animals.
Since you've abstracted all the right-wings up to now, the next step is to convince all those in the middle. Forget the left-wings, they're stoopid, precious few and uninteresting. Just trust Die Krone; when supported by Mr. Dichand, he will tell you what actions are to be taken in order to ascend further and further. All the politicians in Austria align themselves towards him.
Your colleague and you have to certify notarially (and halfheartedly) that you don't deny the holocaust and distance yourself from any national socialist thoughts. The right-wings'll believe (or know, depending on the situation) you're one of them because of foregoing statements, the rest of course is naïve enough to act on the assumption you're quite nice but misunderstood.
This process is to be repeated over and over again until you've got the dictatorship or Pornocracy or whatever you want.
Somehow sad, isn't it?
Unfortunately, questioning the system or politics is far too uncomfortable - plus risky of course, since we know by the previous post that freedom of opinion isn't what it was anymore.
Well, whatever... good luck being popular or so.
2010-03-15
Eat my justice crap, you worm!
The Austrian justice is some kind of art. Maybe my father's been kinda right for a change when he suggested I should attend law school. And maybe this would've been the best (or rather most lucrative) way for me to express my creativity. Instead, I'm writing stuff nobody's interested in, producing music nobody's able to bear for long and knocking useless photo compositions together. None of that fills my wallet.
Buuuuuuut I'm deviating from the original subject.
Let's assume communism really could work - It still wouldn't in Austria. I'll quote an easy example: The common civilian gets a slice of an apple. That'd be at least one to two apples for federal employees. Managers get a peach and maybe a banana on top of that, politicians a fruit basket.
This applies just as well to the judicial system.
There's this thing called 'presumption of innocence'. This principle says that every executive officer, important businessman and politician is innocent until proven guilty. In practice this works as follows:
There's a fourteen year old boy been shot dead by a police officer. Reason: Attempted burglary.
Newspapers as well as the hoi polloi (because the opinion of the media is law, don't you ever doubt that!) stated that 'whoever's old enough to steal sure as hell is old enough to be killed as well'.
In order to keep the executives innocent, they were held off from any court or hearing for several months because of their mental state. Just long enough to have the judge and his little helpers cook up a nice story in order to color the whole case a bit. All the officers had to do was say: 'Yep.'
Mission accomplished. Eight months on probation for murder. Hell yeah, the system works! Isn't the principle of hope a ripping mature argument of the judge? "I hope you're not working in the field anymore."
Splendid! Let's apply that on every case in the future, that'd be fun. I hope you're able to contain yourself from stealing too much. I hope you'll stop killing people some day. I hope you won't rape too many of our fellow citizens in the future. Here's a picture of my wife, I hope you'll spare her.
That leads us to the next topic: Thousands of children being abused by clergymen in several catholic institutions. The only sentence they'll ever hear: 'Well, we're gonna have to transfer you somewhere else...'
Somehow strange - Priests are fired as soon as someone reveals that there's some kind of relationship or that they're homosexual, but children being molested seems to be quite a routine.
There's even one guy in the Vatican calling himself an exorcist and all the offenders innocent victims because 'they've been obsessed by the devil'. But everything's good now. There's no need to punish them or reconsider this whole catholic structure.
Quite the opposite is taking place in a trial on some animal rights activists. What they did? Use encryption technology for their electronic correspondence. Hell, what a crime!
The presumption of innocence has of course never been effective in this case.
Some politicians were convinced that the beliefs of those activists harmed the economy. That's enough of a motive to have some highly paid executives just read mails of those 'Lohas' for several years. The taxpayers' money is wasted for absurd stalking, flying scrap and publicity campaigns of a racist party and everything's fine. But as soon as someone pursues some kind of social intention, there's this deafening outcry of the mass.
Whatever... Since reading mails didn't bear any fruit, the next step was to keep them under surveillance and sound those criminals out. Nothing again.
What's next? Drop the case since there hasn't been any success?
Of course not. If there's no reason for you to assume someone does something they shouldn't do, what could be more natural than instructing a house search?
Strange. Again, no evidence. But with a trial this surely will change - Let's play it safe and have an incompetent huntress as a judge that neither accepts counterevidence nor the defendants defending themselves.
There's been some malicious mischief at Kleiderbauer, a company that sells fur? Let's charge it at our Lohas. The incident happened while they've been on remand? How could that ever matter?
Do you see those null and void differences between those trials? I know, it's quite difficult as there seems to be none at first sight.
It's easy to realize what the main focus of Austrias justice system lies on.
The best example however is that software piracy is prosecuted more rigorously than rape. Needless to say, the first one harms the economy, the second one supports it. Yay.
All hail the brainfuck.
Buuuuuuut I'm deviating from the original subject.
Let's assume communism really could work - It still wouldn't in Austria. I'll quote an easy example: The common civilian gets a slice of an apple. That'd be at least one to two apples for federal employees. Managers get a peach and maybe a banana on top of that, politicians a fruit basket.
This applies just as well to the judicial system.
There's this thing called 'presumption of innocence'. This principle says that every executive officer, important businessman and politician is innocent until proven guilty. In practice this works as follows:
There's a fourteen year old boy been shot dead by a police officer. Reason: Attempted burglary.
Newspapers as well as the hoi polloi (because the opinion of the media is law, don't you ever doubt that!) stated that 'whoever's old enough to steal sure as hell is old enough to be killed as well'.
In order to keep the executives innocent, they were held off from any court or hearing for several months because of their mental state. Just long enough to have the judge and his little helpers cook up a nice story in order to color the whole case a bit. All the officers had to do was say: 'Yep.'
Mission accomplished. Eight months on probation for murder. Hell yeah, the system works! Isn't the principle of hope a ripping mature argument of the judge? "I hope you're not working in the field anymore."
Splendid! Let's apply that on every case in the future, that'd be fun. I hope you're able to contain yourself from stealing too much. I hope you'll stop killing people some day. I hope you won't rape too many of our fellow citizens in the future. Here's a picture of my wife, I hope you'll spare her.
That leads us to the next topic: Thousands of children being abused by clergymen in several catholic institutions. The only sentence they'll ever hear: 'Well, we're gonna have to transfer you somewhere else...'
Somehow strange - Priests are fired as soon as someone reveals that there's some kind of relationship or that they're homosexual, but children being molested seems to be quite a routine.
There's even one guy in the Vatican calling himself an exorcist and all the offenders innocent victims because 'they've been obsessed by the devil'. But everything's good now. There's no need to punish them or reconsider this whole catholic structure.
Quite the opposite is taking place in a trial on some animal rights activists. What they did? Use encryption technology for their electronic correspondence. Hell, what a crime!
The presumption of innocence has of course never been effective in this case.
Some politicians were convinced that the beliefs of those activists harmed the economy. That's enough of a motive to have some highly paid executives just read mails of those 'Lohas' for several years. The taxpayers' money is wasted for absurd stalking, flying scrap and publicity campaigns of a racist party and everything's fine. But as soon as someone pursues some kind of social intention, there's this deafening outcry of the mass.
Whatever... Since reading mails didn't bear any fruit, the next step was to keep them under surveillance and sound those criminals out. Nothing again.
What's next? Drop the case since there hasn't been any success?
Of course not. If there's no reason for you to assume someone does something they shouldn't do, what could be more natural than instructing a house search?
Strange. Again, no evidence. But with a trial this surely will change - Let's play it safe and have an incompetent huntress as a judge that neither accepts counterevidence nor the defendants defending themselves.
There's been some malicious mischief at Kleiderbauer, a company that sells fur? Let's charge it at our Lohas. The incident happened while they've been on remand? How could that ever matter?
Do you see those null and void differences between those trials? I know, it's quite difficult as there seems to be none at first sight.
It's easy to realize what the main focus of Austrias justice system lies on.
The best example however is that software piracy is prosecuted more rigorously than rape. Needless to say, the first one harms the economy, the second one supports it. Yay.
All hail the brainfuck.
2010-03-13
How to be considered brainy: Grab printed paper, look skeptical, read. Or at least pretend to.
It's quite simple to be considered as a clever companion one loves to be surrounded by in Austria. You just need to be a male Austrian (or look and talk as one) and read something that at least looks approximately like a newspaper.
Whoever keeps themself updated with some crap consisting of letters and stuff rapidly is regarded as well-read and knowledgeable. And, as we all know here in Austria, newspapers (as well as executive officers) are always right - completely irrespective of the issue they're confronted with.
Now, as you gathered this great knowledge of the profound austrian mindset you're officially prepared to go out and make your first austrian friends, chop chop!
In the meantime, I'm trying to groom you for the rubbish you'll encounter sooner or later when consuming our daily and precious journalistic achievements.
For example, quite recently I read a short article on homosexuality in Der Grazer (whom I already mentioned). To my surprise, it wasn't one of those 'it's-unnatural-and-condemnable-inputs' for a change. Quite the contrary, they even pointed out that nowadays gays still get bullied, mobbed, ostracized and repudiated. They demanded for more tolerance which I too think is absolutely necessary.
But then there was this point at which one easily could notice: Something's wrong with this article. Obviously, the author actually never really occupied themself enough with this topic to be considered informed sufficiently for writing a contribution of this kind. The opposite of good is well-meant, as we all know.
As a closing argument, the author seriously wrote that even Life Ball, Tuntenball and the Loveparade can't hide those facts of missing tolerance.
Well, let's see... has the intention behind those events ever been to cover that up? One couldn't be farer away from the truth. But I think, if you read up on them a bit for yourself, you'll figure that out quite soon.
As a next real gem of austrian journalism I'd like to mention Weekend (Warning: danger of eye and ear cancer). They just can't help raising rankings of the '500 most important Styrians'.
In this list there are about 30 to 40 women. Let's take one moment to think about what that's supposed to tell us exactly. Now, I'm going to intersperse the facts that the top positions are taken by some irrelevant CEOs that wouldn't do anything besides hoarding money and politicians like the one I mentioned in the previous post whereas feminists, human respectively animal rights activists or people crucially engaged in the cultural sector apparently aren't worth mentioning.
Rings a bell? Mighty fine!
This is just the halfway bearable tip of the iceberg. Since I'm of good nature, I won't overstrain you this soon. In fact, I'm even granting you a little sit-down.
For this purpose I'll save us the pearls like Oesterreich and the Krone this once and cover them in later posts when it comes to establishing oneself in a political career (surely an important point for your future life in Austria). We'll still have enough to examine in the matter of austrian journalism.
Just one last thing as a little cherry on the icing, coming from OE 3: "Canadian punk sure is extraordinary, incomparable to other Punk subgenres. All the punks in Canada dress themselves in a very colorful manner."
Unbelievable, isn't it?
Oh yeah, before I forget: Here's the Austrian mentality squeezed in appropriate(ly goony) music.
Why the X-mas-theme?
Doesn't matter. In Austria, there's no need for a point in anything, is there?
Whoever keeps themself updated with some crap consisting of letters and stuff rapidly is regarded as well-read and knowledgeable. And, as we all know here in Austria, newspapers (as well as executive officers) are always right - completely irrespective of the issue they're confronted with.
Now, as you gathered this great knowledge of the profound austrian mindset you're officially prepared to go out and make your first austrian friends, chop chop!
In the meantime, I'm trying to groom you for the rubbish you'll encounter sooner or later when consuming our daily and precious journalistic achievements.
For example, quite recently I read a short article on homosexuality in Der Grazer (whom I already mentioned). To my surprise, it wasn't one of those 'it's-unnatural-and-condemnable-inputs' for a change. Quite the contrary, they even pointed out that nowadays gays still get bullied, mobbed, ostracized and repudiated. They demanded for more tolerance which I too think is absolutely necessary.
But then there was this point at which one easily could notice: Something's wrong with this article. Obviously, the author actually never really occupied themself enough with this topic to be considered informed sufficiently for writing a contribution of this kind. The opposite of good is well-meant, as we all know.
As a closing argument, the author seriously wrote that even Life Ball, Tuntenball and the Loveparade can't hide those facts of missing tolerance.
Well, let's see... has the intention behind those events ever been to cover that up? One couldn't be farer away from the truth. But I think, if you read up on them a bit for yourself, you'll figure that out quite soon.
As a next real gem of austrian journalism I'd like to mention Weekend (Warning: danger of eye and ear cancer). They just can't help raising rankings of the '500 most important Styrians'.
In this list there are about 30 to 40 women. Let's take one moment to think about what that's supposed to tell us exactly. Now, I'm going to intersperse the facts that the top positions are taken by some irrelevant CEOs that wouldn't do anything besides hoarding money and politicians like the one I mentioned in the previous post whereas feminists, human respectively animal rights activists or people crucially engaged in the cultural sector apparently aren't worth mentioning.
Rings a bell? Mighty fine!
This is just the halfway bearable tip of the iceberg. Since I'm of good nature, I won't overstrain you this soon. In fact, I'm even granting you a little sit-down.
For this purpose I'll save us the pearls like Oesterreich and the Krone this once and cover them in later posts when it comes to establishing oneself in a political career (surely an important point for your future life in Austria). We'll still have enough to examine in the matter of austrian journalism.
Just one last thing as a little cherry on the icing, coming from OE 3: "Canadian punk sure is extraordinary, incomparable to other Punk subgenres. All the punks in Canada dress themselves in a very colorful manner."
Unbelievable, isn't it?
Oh yeah, before I forget: Here's the Austrian mentality squeezed in appropriate(ly goony) music.
Why the X-mas-theme?
Doesn't matter. In Austria, there's no need for a point in anything, is there?
2010-03-12
i am still young but everyday sex is too much
In order to not steal too much of your precious time, as a first article I'll overview my thoughts about life as it presents itself to me lately. Should there occur any concerns while reading my neat little notion, there's still the possibility to just hit ALT and F4 and never return to this horrible blog. That's enough blah for now. Let's get it on with:
'Stop loitering, you stupid shrew' vs. 'Leave those shelves alone, you bastard!' - Children truly are blessed with the daily forms of interaction and the future they're confronted with.
Role modeling and the etiquette sure are awesome tools. Especially when it comes to cocking up the community.
Let's preserve a little bit of boredom for later on. Be generous. To share is to increase. At least some guy called Jesus said something like that a while ago. I guess he can't be that wrong. Well, he's been an illegitimate child, his birth has been quite an unnatural one and nowadays, he would've been sacked by the youth welfare, but hey: There must be some reason for his still being celebrated with that much intensity and thoughtlessness.
The world's beautiful, our parents are competent and the public authorities truly logical. Who the hell doesn't want to be born into a life their value is defined by their abilities respectively education and continuously devaluated, rationalized or even laughed off in?
By the by, all the oddity takes its usual course.
Everything's weird. This can be noticed easily every time one finds their way out into this thing called public.
Starting from November, all those simple natured ones not knowing what expedient to do with their time and money blow their extremities high up in the air with an insane amount of firecrackers, complying with this stupendous New Years Evish urge to experience some kind of conflagrant climax (which usually comes up in the springtime, but until November the lost causes obviously have their way of controlling such impulse mostly by drowning it and/or provoking fights with admirers of the wrong soccer team).
Elections are won by a politician who campaigns with helping his wife with the household. Despite claiming to be such a noble man, on placards he is shown battling some children in the eternal struggle for the laundry, having his dirty outdoor shoes on. Yay! Is there any hausfrau not dreaming of such self-sacrificing, prudent assistance?
Der Grazer explains the most important vogue ('cause that's what really matters: pretty and simpleminded one oughta be!), of which a crucial part is to think and criticize less but celebrate carnival more excessively, throw yourself into a fancy costume, fete far into the night and let yourself be abducted by a masked sex offender.
The retired neighbors know nothing better to do than annoy you, sound you out, bitch about all sorts of things that are nothing to them - even the ventilation being on (well, what's it good for anyway?), while they are drilling and hammering all day long -, telling you for the tenth time that people in your age can't be taken seriously and of course that they're old, poor, lonely and caged. Nobody likes me - oh, wait, another visitor; can't that stop finally?
Furthermore, they refer to mobile phones as useless crap before they borrow yours and have some friends bestow umpteen of those futile gadgets on them finally.
Physicians tell you that you're a psycho if your stomach aches. With this diagnostic they send you back home just to tell you on your next visit that this has been a mistake and everything's nearly too late. Without ever knowing (only your being a scatterbrain and taking some confidential files with you you're not supposed to reveal such insignificant details) you participate in an interesting medical survey. There's plenty of money flowing through such stuff, but not for you, the test subject. Wouldn't you have gotten at least a little bit rich if you'd have done that at some other institution? Well, let's not think too much about such things. It's the same with your blood samples or the like.
Somewhere out there ProLife is still awaiting new victims. Just as well Job2Move, a club similarly macabre. Let's not forget those thousands of maniacs who still couldn't find the right community for their interests. As you're visiting the police, showing them some tape-recorded calls in order to get rid of a stalker, they tell you to come back as soon as your head hangs over his bed as a lovely little trophy. They have better things to do. Sending the Cobra to a molehill for example. Or reprimanding you for crossing a road no car or whatsoever is in sight or within sound on. Those are the things really important in life. Executives just know best what to aim for. Leisure time for example. It's attendant on pure luck to encounter one of them in their office. Obviously, they're quite pleased to enjoy some work for a change. It pretty much seems like they want to keep you. At least those complaisant fellas continuously come up with new topics to support the conversation. A glance at a few clever books in order to check if your request is legitimate. Next, the result is to be checked with some internet pages. Just to be sure.
Finally, you're done and invited to come back soon. That'd be a pleasure! Sooner or later - and you're absolutely sure of that - you'll have to accept this invitation...
'Stop loitering, you stupid shrew' vs. 'Leave those shelves alone, you bastard!' - Children truly are blessed with the daily forms of interaction and the future they're confronted with.Role modeling and the etiquette sure are awesome tools. Especially when it comes to cocking up the community.
Let's preserve a little bit of boredom for later on. Be generous. To share is to increase. At least some guy called Jesus said something like that a while ago. I guess he can't be that wrong. Well, he's been an illegitimate child, his birth has been quite an unnatural one and nowadays, he would've been sacked by the youth welfare, but hey: There must be some reason for his still being celebrated with that much intensity and thoughtlessness.
The world's beautiful, our parents are competent and the public authorities truly logical. Who the hell doesn't want to be born into a life their value is defined by their abilities respectively education and continuously devaluated, rationalized or even laughed off in?
By the by, all the oddity takes its usual course.
Everything's weird. This can be noticed easily every time one finds their way out into this thing called public.
Starting from November, all those simple natured ones not knowing what expedient to do with their time and money blow their extremities high up in the air with an insane amount of firecrackers, complying with this stupendous New Years Evish urge to experience some kind of conflagrant climax (which usually comes up in the springtime, but until November the lost causes obviously have their way of controlling such impulse mostly by drowning it and/or provoking fights with admirers of the wrong soccer team).
Elections are won by a politician who campaigns with helping his wife with the household. Despite claiming to be such a noble man, on placards he is shown battling some children in the eternal struggle for the laundry, having his dirty outdoor shoes on. Yay! Is there any hausfrau not dreaming of such self-sacrificing, prudent assistance?
Der Grazer explains the most important vogue ('cause that's what really matters: pretty and simpleminded one oughta be!), of which a crucial part is to think and criticize less but celebrate carnival more excessively, throw yourself into a fancy costume, fete far into the night and let yourself be abducted by a masked sex offender.The retired neighbors know nothing better to do than annoy you, sound you out, bitch about all sorts of things that are nothing to them - even the ventilation being on (well, what's it good for anyway?), while they are drilling and hammering all day long -, telling you for the tenth time that people in your age can't be taken seriously and of course that they're old, poor, lonely and caged. Nobody likes me - oh, wait, another visitor; can't that stop finally?
Furthermore, they refer to mobile phones as useless crap before they borrow yours and have some friends bestow umpteen of those futile gadgets on them finally.
Physicians tell you that you're a psycho if your stomach aches. With this diagnostic they send you back home just to tell you on your next visit that this has been a mistake and everything's nearly too late. Without ever knowing (only your being a scatterbrain and taking some confidential files with you you're not supposed to reveal such insignificant details) you participate in an interesting medical survey. There's plenty of money flowing through such stuff, but not for you, the test subject. Wouldn't you have gotten at least a little bit rich if you'd have done that at some other institution? Well, let's not think too much about such things. It's the same with your blood samples or the like.
Somewhere out there ProLife is still awaiting new victims. Just as well Job2Move, a club similarly macabre. Let's not forget those thousands of maniacs who still couldn't find the right community for their interests. As you're visiting the police, showing them some tape-recorded calls in order to get rid of a stalker, they tell you to come back as soon as your head hangs over his bed as a lovely little trophy. They have better things to do. Sending the Cobra to a molehill for example. Or reprimanding you for crossing a road no car or whatsoever is in sight or within sound on. Those are the things really important in life. Executives just know best what to aim for. Leisure time for example. It's attendant on pure luck to encounter one of them in their office. Obviously, they're quite pleased to enjoy some work for a change. It pretty much seems like they want to keep you. At least those complaisant fellas continuously come up with new topics to support the conversation. A glance at a few clever books in order to check if your request is legitimate. Next, the result is to be checked with some internet pages. Just to be sure.
Finally, you're done and invited to come back soon. That'd be a pleasure! Sooner or later - and you're absolutely sure of that - you'll have to accept this invitation...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)